3 Steps/Ingredients of Proactive session: Don’t be a genius, Enter with a blank mind. Don’t rush. Possibly make an appointment. Be prepared for surprises. Empathy- Information gathering
-Begin with neutral observation, “I have noticed that…(unsolved problem, we are struggling at bed time lately), what’s up?”
-If silence, watch for non-verbal cues
-At each step ask self (Do I yet understand? If not, keep asking?)
-For I don’t know response, say “Well let’s think about “y“ and what part is “x“
-”What else?”
-”Help me understand what it is about “x“ that is “y“?”
-Don’t leave this step until you are absolutely certain you have completely understood the other person’s concern
=============================== Define the Problem- Other party shares concern on the table
-Understand and then Clarify your own concern (not your solution!) -Often concerns fall into 3 categories (Safety, Learning, How the other’s behavior is affecting self or others) -”The thing is…(if you don’t “x “, it will never get easier for you.” -Other says, “I don’t care.”, not personal don't let it derail process
-No mention of solutions yet, avoid:
1. Dueling solutions
2. Win/Lose paradigm
3. Preemptive solutions before step three
=============================== Offer invitation- Brainstorming together, only solutions that will address the concerns of BOTH parties -Brainstorm - can be very hard to do esp for ppl who have only seen solutions that address their own concerns -Something you are doing with and not to the other person -Ensure other understands you will only settle on a win/win -”I wonder if there is a way….” -”Have I summarized both of our concerns accurately?” -”Can both of us actually do (ability and willingness) what we have agreed to do?” -”Are both of our concerns adequately addressed in our solution?” -”What percentage do we estimate our current solution will be effective/successful?” -Always end with agreement to return to Plan B if the first solution doesn’t fully resolve concerns for both parties ===============================
For anyone who uses the ASSESSMENT OF LAGGING SKILLS & UNSOLVED PROBLEMS, there is a convenient app for it now, you can find it under "The Lens Changer"
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